Monday, August 23, 2010

And then there were three...

I apologize that I've been non-existent for the last week.  Life's been a roller coaster ride and I wish that I could say we got off the car cheering for more with our hands in the air, but that simply didn't happen.  I wish someone could make things different, but we're resting in the fact that the Lord is still in control and still has a perfect plan for our family.

Last Tuesday night, as I was headed into a continuing ed class for my real estate license, my husband received a phone call from our adoption case worker.  There was a baby girl at the hospital that had been born on Monday that needed a family!!!  I about dropped the phone when I saw his text and immediately called him back for details.  The crazy thing was that I was headed into a class that I simply couldn't leave because if I did, my license would expire, talk about bad timing!

We were caught by complete surprise but we were ready and willing to put everything else in life on hold for this chance of a lifetime.  We first met baby Abigail at 9:30pm on Tuesday night.  We could hardly contain our excitement as we drove to the hospital to meet what could have been our daughter.  She had initial trouble eating so she was in the nursery with a feeding tube, but she was perfectly healthy and beautiful.  It broke our heart when we learned that she hadn't been held by her mom at all so we knew we had a lot of lovin' to make up for.

We were finally becoming a family of four!

We met birth-mom the next day and shared an instant connection with her.  We were so excited about the long term relationship we could develop with this sweet birth-momma and we thanked her again and again for this chance. 

We spent the next 3 days at the hospital from sun-up to sun-down changing diapers, encouraging bottles, burping, rocking, loving, and imagining our new life with baby Abigail.  I wouldn't trade those days for anything and I'll remember them fondly forever.

On Friday night, after investing our full hearts into this baby and praying that things would be finalized on Monday, we received word that birth-mom had changed her mind and was not going to follow through with her adoption plan.  Out of nowhere, she had instead decided to parent and we were left with completely shattered hearts.  We were once again just a family of three.

One would think that given what happened before with Caden, we would have been more guarded and protective of our hearts, but that simply didn't happen.  We were even more invested and in love with Abigail than we had been the first time. 

Looking back, there were a few signs that we could have been more aware of but we were too busy taking care of a precious baby that needed a mommy and daddy to take care of her most basic human needs in the first week of life.  We said it before and we say it again, we would do everything exactly the same given the chance once again. 

Our hearts are still broken and the tears still come, but we still remain confident in the Lord and we still know that He has a wonderful plan for our family.  This adoption stuff has been one of the hardest things we've dealt with in our short 8 years of marriage, but it has stretched our faith and taught us to lean on each other and the Lord in ALL things, something only learned through trials.  We are confident that the Lord knows the desires of our hearts and that He loves us and desires to honor us, so now we go back to waiting, once again. 

I've been meditating on several verses that I thought I would share and maybe encourage some of you if you need it. 


"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."    Rom 15:13

"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me, and her turned to me and heard my cry."    Ps 40:1

"The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."    Ps 34:18

"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble: he knows those who take refuge in Him."    Nahum 1:7 

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."    Heb 4:16


Erin McFarland said...

ah friend. my heart is aching for you guys. just prayed the Scriptures you listed over your family. thank you for sharing your journey becca... i'm so anxious for the Lord to bring home your forever baby(ies). will continue to pray. xoxo

Megan said...

Becca! We are praying for you and your family. The Lord has a plan that is abundantly better and more than we could have ever imagined.

Heidi K. said...

My heart is aching for your family. I can not imagine the pain you are going through. I am so encouraged by your faith in our perfect Lord and Savior!
continuing to pray for your family!

Anonymous said...

Becca, thank yo for sharing amids the tough times. Your faith and commitment to God and his sovereignty is so inspiring. We will keep on praying!!!!

Anonymous said...

I pray for you but especially for baby Abigail. I pray for her mom as well. I know the pain of adoption all too well, from the birth mother's point. I know the Lord has a baby waiting just for you and your family. But don't say you are JUST a family of three...I know that is not how you meant it. Remember that Samson, and many others in the Bible were from a family of 3. He has a plan for your family. God be with you, I love your photo, brought tears to my eyes.

B. Irv said...

Our Hearts ache for you and your family, and will pray for that new mom. There is not much that could be said to make it much different. There is one verse I look to when I talk to my patients about hard things. Many will look to Romans chapter 8, and most will think of verse 29 where it talks about all things happen for the good... But that doesn't set well when things are so fresh. Look back to 8:26 and you will see that when there are no words to convey your heart, the Holy Spirit is there and it is intervening for you. God is good. We love you Holt's. Wish we could come and give you a hug of support in person.

The Lenning Family said...

Wow Becca, your story is so compelling and makes me cry for not only what happened, but hearing all about your strength and trust in the Lord. I am so proud of you and know this is a very difficult time. Keep having faith in God, he always provides. Us Lennings are sending lots of love and prayers your way.

Aaron and Jean said...

So sorry to hear this Becca, but I will continue to pray for you and your family. God has the perfect little baby for your family, they just haven't arrived yet! Your attitude is so humbling and encouraging.

Amy said...

Thanks for sharing that becca. I'm so sorry. What a precious picture of you and Abigail. You are literally glowing. Is there a chance birthmom could change her mind again? I just cannot imagine how tough this must be. How is Kylie processing it this time?

Stephanie said...

Oh Becca, we're so sorry to hear this news! We're praying for comfort for you guys and for God's work in building your family.